Tuesday, April 22, 2008

So if you want to talk the night through

(...Guess who will be there?)

Today was yet another beautiful day in New Yawk. It was a balmy 70 degrees under a cloudless blue sky. These days are few and far between in the northeast…where it’s warm enough to forego the jacket but not hot enough to warrant the air conditioning….a perfect day.

Oh, and a good hair day…let’s not forget about the hair. Good hair days are rare in this part of the country, believe me…and I’m thankful for every single one.

I love long hair. On a girl, that is…I’m not crazy about it on a guy. I’ve been growing mine for the last 75 years….give or take a few years. (Oh, the drama.) I’m constantly amazed how my hair can grow so fast that I need to color it (yet again) but not fast enough to give me that Victoria’s-Secret-Model-kinda hair. And yes…I’m fully aware that I never have been nor ever will be a Victoria’s Secret Model, thankyouverymuch.

Like you needed to remind me of this.

That’s not my point.

I still think long hair is sexy. Well, it’s not sexy when you’re digging it out of the drain but what hair is? But when it’s shiny and soft and newly-colored, you have to admit…it’s HOT.

“What? I can’t even focus on what you’re saying! I’m still about to hurl from that remark about the drain.”

…and Clinton Kelly is BACK.

Kathryn: “Hey C-man! What’s shakin’? What’s happening? How’s that Macy’s tour working out for you? I hear you ROCK THE HOUSE, MICKEY MOUSE!”
Clinton: “Excuse me?? You did NOT just say Mickey Mouse. Where did you hear THAT expression?”
K: “I made it up. Ya like it? It’s cute, right? Carolyn says ‘PEACE OUT, GIRL SCOUT!’, so I added ‘ROCK THE HOUSE, MICKEY MOUSE!’ Admit it…you love it. It’ll catch on.”
C: “Walt Disney would be tickled….but, I’m not feeling it.”
K: “Are you kidding me? It’s freakin’ GENIUS. You’re just jealous you didn’t think of it first.”
C:”It’s still not working for me. You’re going to need to lose the mouse. I can’t even think straight now. Gross.”
K:”Oh, don’t be such a baby. How’s the whirlwind Macy’s tour?”
C: “It’s exhausting. Twelve cities in two months…what was I thinking?”
K:”That’s a very good question. What DO you think about…all day long…surrounded by women’s clothing…and accessories…and…stuff…?”
C: (Chuckles) “That “stuff” provides more income in a week than you’ll see all year. I’m thinking about that all day long, kiddo.”
K: “I thought you looked a little preoccupied…geez….it must be nice…”
C:”NICE? Did you NOT hear me? TWELVE cities in EIGHT weeks? NOT nice. It’s exhausting…and monotonous…and I’ve been through x-ray so much I’ve probably lost the ability to reproduce.”
K:”But…you LOVE what you DO, right? ’Living the American dream’ and all that? I mean….it’s all worth it…and you’re HAPPY, right?”
C:”I’d be happier if I could remember whether I bought toilet paper before I left.”
K:”You know, Clinton…there are worse things than having a nationally viewed teevee show and bounding onto a stage like a rock star to a room full of screaming women in your spare time. Some of us have real problems…like this splinter I’ve got in my pinkie…”
C:”Hey, I’m a ‘real’ person. I’ve got real problems….I use toilet paper just like the rest of you. And who said anything about screaming? No-one’s screaming. That is so juvenile.”
K: “Did you just say ‘the rest of you’? Tell me you didn’t just say this. Are you kidding me?”
C:”You’re just cranky because you’ve got a splinter. How does an adult woman manage to get a splinter, anyway?”
K: “OUCH. You haven’t answered my question! Are you HAPPY?”
C:”Don’t change the subject. Now go soak your finger before it gets infected.”
K:”I’ve lost feeling in my hand….”
C:”You’ll survive. And for the record? Sure…I’m happy. I’d never be able to stand it otherwise…living in your head and all…”
K:”Oh, Clinton…that’s the sweetest thing you’ve almost-ever said to me.”

…till tomorrow….

Anonymous said...

Too funny - - I'll think of you tonight when I shower again in about 5" of water. I tried a full bottle of drano, to no avail. I think its time for the wire clothes hanger (NO WIRE HANGERS!!! - Ahem. Sorry. Mommy Dearest movie...will never forget that line).
PS hope that splinter is out!

Anonymous said...

See? We women are not only traumatized by clogged drains but also (obviously by your post) by the classics. It's a wonder we can even sleep at night.
Following Clinton's sage advice, the splinter's been soaked and removed. Now I've got "pruny-pinkie". Sigh...

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