Tuesday, February 1, 2011

February Under Fire


I was psyched at the prospect of a brand new month…ripe with its possibilities of warmer temperatures and balmy breezes. Yes, I realize this is New York and no, I’m not delusional…not about this, anyway. Hey, a gal’s gotta have a dream, right?

Kathryn: “So, February…you’re probably wondering why I’ve asked you here.”

February: “Bite me.”

Kathryn: “Wow. That’s not very...civilized of you. I haven’t even asked you a que--…”

February: “Yeah, yeah. I’ve heard it all before. Everybody’s got an issue with me. Sure, I got Valentine’s Day…but then I gotta hear 'waa-waa' from every lonely Tom, Dick & Harry. And who the hell came up with the non-holiday of Groundhog Day? I mean, way to boost my street creds.” (Sniffs loudly)

Kathryn: “Well, I’m thinking Punxsutawney Phil and his supporters would beg to differ. Plus, you’ve got a couple of Presidents birthdays thrown in there…”

February: “Big whoop. With Easter breathing down my neck sometimes as early as March, my rep for giving the kiddies a week off has been reduced to a long freakin’ weekend. What the hell?”

Kathryn: “Look, I don’t know what your problem is but you really shouldn’t be messing with the religious holidays. It’s bad karma…”

February: “Bite me.”

Kathryn: “WTF? What is your problem?? Wait…is this because...you’re...short? ‘Cause, really, no-one is even going th—“

February: “I do not appreciate being used as a dumping ground for an extra day once every couple-a-years. I just wanna be like everybody else. 30 days or 31. Is that so much to ask? Happy Birthday to a couple of dead presidents and waking up a rodent so he may or may not see his shadow. Way to feel special...”

Kathryn: “Is that what this is about? Feeling special?? You’ve got Chinese New Year and Waitangi Day, ya know. And my brother and one of my sisters both have birthdays this month. Hell, Clinton’s birthday is this month…and an uber-special little bundle of joy from one of my closest friends is due to arrive this month as well. When it comes to birthdays, you rock!”

February: “Really? Ya think so?? I’m so tired of feeling like a throwaway month…like they’ve shorted me down to 28 days to just get me the hell over with…”

Kathryn: “Aw. I’m so sure that’s not the case. Those calendar-making people probably had to shorten you up to keep all the other months from being green with envy.”

February: “Yeah, I hate green. March is always shoving St. Patrick’s Day down my throat…if he didn’t have the beginning of Daylight Savings Time, he’d be nothing.”

Kathryn: “Well…not nothing. I mean, at least winter’s got a chance in hell of ending in March…”

February: (Sighs deeply) “Bite me.”

***Connor (14) has picked the winners of the Googlicious Giveaway! Winners will be announced next post. Thank you to all who’ve entered…and thank you for sending Inside…Out some Facebook loooove.***

Lauren said...

I don't mind February. It's a quiet month at school. Plus, I get a week off to read. School wise, I hate March. It just craps all over my birthday. Plus, every prof and their assistant wants an assignment. Long live February!

allison said...

This made me laugh out loud. Seriously...made my day. Oh, February. Reminds me of the character Junior from 1/0: http://www.undefined.net/1/0/

A couple of my friends have an annual shindig, which they've entitled "February Sux"...this post gives me a whole new perspective, haha.

John McElveen said...

OMG- I'm laughing soo hard. K--On Starz East and West-(Directv--Groundhog Day is playing on both stations OVER and OVER again. I must admit--I'm paying for them to run the SAME program--but I thought it was pretty cute!

Just like you! Can we get an Amen!! and a collective- awwwwwwww!

Another AWESOME post!

Love and hugs--and I hate to see what is headed your way again weather wise! PLEASE BE CAREFUL!!!!!

Oh--BTW-- MONTY PYTHON LIVE at the Hollywood Bowl, is playing on that channel you saw Holy Grail on this month. It is Hilarious!!!!

sage said...

Happy February, Kathryn!

Lily Johnson said...

Hilarious. February is a special month though,

Kimberly said...

No offense to February, but I typically dislike this month. It is usually the longest month even though it has the shortest amount of days. I can't wait until March and the first signs of Spring! And even though I live near the groundhog worshiping community, it truly does not matter if he sees his stupid shadow or not.

The only good things about February are my mom's and nephew's birthdays. :)

Cathy Webster (Olliffe) said...

I feel for ya, February. And you've always been one of my favourite months. Seriously.

Gigi said...

Am trying really, really hard to think what I like about February (cuz, obviously he has *issues* [said in a stage whisper] and needs some love).....

February means the end of football season!!!!! Go February!

Oddyoddyo13 said...

Poor February. Though, I have to admit, the multiple "bite me"s were kind of rude. Just think-only 28 more days and the snow will (maybe) start to melt!

kathryn said...

Lauren: Aw...you're a March baby, baby! March babies rock. But I'm drawing the line at "Long live February"...are you freakin' kidding me? I'd smack you...but I'd need to find you first...and then I'd have to travel in the cold, February weather...

Allison: Yay! I love to hear this! And it comforts me to know that I'm in good company in my distaste for February. (Whispers: I do think it's kind of a throwaway month.)

John McElveen: Ha! Oh, God! That is freakin' hysterical that they're playing Groundhog Day over and over...and you're paying for it over and over! Your comment is so sweet. Of course I'm being careful. Kathryn doesn't do snow (and the impending ice that's about to follow)Scares the crap out of me. Monty rules, bay-bee!

Alan W. Davidson said...

February is so misunderstood...

injaynesworld said...

Poor February. I just want to give him a hug.

Charming... :)

Dorn said...

A question for February: Outside of Boston, who the hell's ever heard of a silent R?

We went to Punxy last year. I'd say it was a blast, but being outside at 4AM in 4* weather was more than an endurance test. But it cleared something from my Mother-in-law's bucket list so I guess good on us for that!

Stephanie in Suburbia said...

This totally made me snort out loud! I did not realize February was so marginalized.

Christopher said...

February can go to hell. No sweet talking here, easily my least favorite month.

Vince said...

I expect a fat rat is the last thing on the mind of the north-east US today.

Runnergirl said...

I am going to have to ask for a new keyboard one of these days - mine has all sorts of laughter splutter stuck between the keys now.

Lynn said...

OK. This is one of my most favoritist most of yours to date. A brilliant take on February. LOL (BTW, my birthday is in February. Just sayin'. Cake would be nice...and something sparkly. Thank you.)

Kelly@MentalGarbage said...

Love the grumpy attitude for February :-) haha

Adele said...

You can tell February that my country's birthday is in it. When it comes to birthdays, he does rock. (or she? geez, i'm confused...)

.end transmission. said...

Really amazing story. It's one of your best. Thanks for sharing!

Jen said...

My birthday is in February. That's my big highlight. Except now as I'm getting older it's not such a highlight anymore. The cold is unbearable. I wouldn't mind February so much if I lived in the tropics. I really need to live in the tropics during the winter. That or hibernate until spring.

ValleyWriter said...

Not a fan of February - or January or March. In fact, I think we could just get rid of all winter months and I'd be quite happy. (Either that or I need to move! so sick of SNOWWW!)

HulaBuns said...

Oh how I have missed reading your posts! You are freaking hilarious. What's even more funny is I can imagine you driving and having this conversation in your head (or partially out loud) - cause I would totally do something like that. Thanks for the laugh I needed it today!

Alicia said...

I had just enuf time to read 1 blogger and I chose you! And I'm so glad I did because I've never known anyone that has interviewed a whole month before. Way to go!

Well can't really say a whole month, cause you know...it is short, but still Kudos to you Kathryn!

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