Lucid

Ah, sleep…perchance to dream….

I’m sure that none of you will be very surprised to learn that I’m a proficient dreamer. I’m not adept at many things…but I am the champion…nay, THE QUEEN OF THE DREAMS.

Seriously. I do believe that a large portion of my sanity is lost during my REM sleep, which begins about an hour after I drop off and ends when the alarm blasts at 5:58am. This would explain why I rarely feel rested, why I’m always craving more sleep and possibly why I keep finding teeny bits of dried brain matter scattered around my pillow.

At least, I think it’s brain matter.

Ew. Gross.

All I know is that the old noggin’ never truly shuts down…it just goes from conscious to sub-conscious mode…at times with mind-blowing clarity. Honestly, I’m not always sure where one ends and the other begins.

Lucid dreaming is when you “wake up” whilst still dreaming.

I’ll give you a moment to digest this astonishing information.

(Hums theme to Jeopardy….begins to casually count acoustic ceiling tiles…)

I wish I could tell you I’ve mastered this technique…but alas, it would be a lie. However, I’m working on it….’cause I’m like, already sleeping…and what else is there to do??

It pretty much always starts out the same…I’m in some nonsensical place, doing some illogical thing…when suddenly, *BAM!!!!!*

I’m lucid. I’m also momentarily confused…thinking, “WTF? What’s happening?” This thought is followed quickly by, “Am I…wait! I am! I’m doing that dream-control thing! Crap! Hurry! One loud snore from the dog and I’m gonna wake up! Crap! What do I want to do?? Crap! I'm never freakin' prepared!!”

The answer comes to me swiftly and unquestionably: I. Must. Fly.

I don’t know why I must fly…but according to my (admittedly limited) Googling, it’s the #1 thing lucid dreamers like to do. (See? I’m not quite as weird as you’d thought.) So, from here it’s simply a matter of finding a nearby window to jump out of. Naturally, I’m up high…no self-respecting lucid–dreaming-flyer is gonna take off from the ground…where’s the fun in that??

Sometimes, I just open the window and fling my body out. Other times, I have to ninja-kick the screen out of the way first. Either way, the end result is the same…the latter just has a tad more drama. Not that I’m big on drama….

Lately, I’ve noticed a new twist to my thought process as this “lucid realization” (copyright pending) seeps in…a split second before hurling myself out that upper-story window, a niggling voice in the back of my mind questions, “Are we absolutely sure this is a dream?”

…and I’ll pause….torn between my passionate desire to take advantage of this surreal opportunity and that teeny shred of doubt. I’ll think, “Damn…that’s the thing about lucid dreaming…it feels so freakin’ real.”

So, I’ll take a moment to situate myself…and I’ll look down. If I see this:
…then I’m cleared for take-off. For this is what I should see if I’m awake:
What I do and where I go once I’m airborne varies….and is between me and my hypno-therapist, thankyouverymuch.

So, I’m hereby taking this opportunity to forewarn any of my apartment-dwelling friends to keep me away from any and all windows for the foreseeable future.

Which begs the question, my beloved readers: If you found yourself lucid in a dream, what would you do? (Or, is it who would you do??)

Do tell…you know I’m dying to hear!