A Rant, A Rave & Nothing in Particular

Did anyone see the lunar eclipse last night? I’ll give you a moment to remember last night:

“Let’s see….I drove home from work, stopped at the market, stopped at the liquor store, came home….made dinner, drank the liquor from the liquor store, cleaned up the kitchen, drank more of the liquor from the liquor store, took a shower, washed my hair…dried my hair, styled my hair…drank the last of the liquor from the liquor store…watched teevee, passed out. Nope, definitely no lunar eclipse.”

Huh.

Well, whilst you droned on and on about your evening’s activities, I googled the eclipse and discovered that you’d have to live in South Africa to have seen it…


No worries. Onward!



Okay, so how spot on was I about the weather? Hmmmmm? I’ll bet that some of you had your doubts about my forecasting abilities….I accept your sincerest apologies and I’ll expect a basket of muffins to arrive say, about noon? That’ll be nice. No refunds, no takey-backies.

In other news, I’m ready to order a hit on those incredibly transparent, hokey-beyond-words teevee ads for Kay Jewelers.



(“Every kiss begins with K”, my arse.) My favorite (NOT) one features a man giving a woman a gift, which is revealed whilst their son (we can only presume) watches intently in the background. The woman is tickled and gets all teary-eyed as she reveals the diamond pendant nestled inside the “Kay”-embossed box. The man manages to look both smug and sentimental as he announces “Happy Valentine’s Day, honey” and places the rock and chain around her delicate neck. In the next scene, the young lad is standing on the doorstep of (we can only presume) a neighbor’s house and the little girl opens the door. There in the boy’s hand is a paper necklace…and he’s wearing that same smug, sentimental look as his old man, as he proclaims “Happy Valentine’s Day”. (minus the “honey”) The little girl looks all touched and swoony….cue the sappy music…fade to black.



(Gag)

Has anyone at Kay Jewelers actually seen these ads? I’m convinced that the guy who signs off on these has to be over 90 and senile or he’s clueless and thinks these ads actually bring tears to someone’s eyes. To me, it is painfully transparent that they WANT me to cry…want desperately evidently, to tug at the old heartstrings…but they’re trying too hard. They’ve ruined it…don’t they realize this? I mean, is anyone actually watching these spots and thinking “Well, I think I’ll just mosey on down to that there Kay Jewelers and pick myself up one of those there fancy diamond pendants so that my little missus will break down cryin’ in joy and gratefulness just like that nice laydee in that there ad. And then maybe I’ll be getting’ me some...if you know what I mean.”

Give me the old Hallmark commercials any day.